Category Archives: Observation

Realization

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***Please note this was written just after the previous post. ***Though edited and posted much later lol*********
My day began amazingly my morning class went well. I woke up at five am after posting my daring and exciting post last night (I must figure a way to highlight sarcasm versus these damn parenthesis’s) made fajita and was set to go for today. So then it was around 7am and I forgot to look up my class room. As I get to my mom’s computer I looked online and boom my 7:30 am class magically turned  into a 9:00am class. Suffice to say my day got better. I breeze to school find an awesome parking, and misplace my classroom but with the help of my awesome big brother arrive 3 mins early. Now class is a breeze I mean I’ve flunked it twice so I think I know what to expect :P. Yet I was surprised today Dr. Thomas Murray, (should you ever attend UCF and want to be a teacher take this man for any class he is teaching) was advising our band of misfits class about being careful of the schools we wish to observe.

The reasons being One: everyday is a potential job interview, which though nice can be daunting. Secondly do not volunteer where it is easiest per say. Go to a school that reflects where you want to be hired. BOOM that hit me like a ton of bricks, my passion is to teach inner city kids,  title one schools, however all my volunteer work has been in A* schools. I was realizing what a detriment I was doing to myself and future students. Literally I felt as if God stared me down and whispered these simple words, what are you preparing for. Your preparation and planning is not for the plans I have for you. Your learning about a job I have not prepared for you.

Now noted this epiphany is still dawning on me as I type, so I apologize if the flow of this post took a little turn. I will save this for another post but a main note God IS Good He reveals to those whom seek answers, and for people like me you are reluctant to listen at times a nice tap to the back-o-the-head never hurt. ^_^.  To recap class was good than I got the unexpected text DUN DUN DUN. I take this time and moment to confess into the abyss of the internet, I AM A COWARD. Well a prevention specialist same difference. Last year I had a good chunk of people treat me like trash so once they all decided to leave, I passive aggressively deleted their numbers. Mind I also deleted people who I just don’t speak to as much as well figured throw out all the bath water. Anyway all I get in the text is Hi stranger :). That’s it so this does not help matters, so I send what I think is a clever message

“Hey …um apparently my phone has decided to hide ur identity regardless of which hi “friend” (I am currently assuming our friendship please adv if incorrect 😛 ” ***pats self on back*** I was all proud of myself, so I than let my mind wander and thought it was Eh (any questions concerning said character please see hyperlink) As I presume you are caught up, you now understand why my mood suddenly changed. Now note it was fortunately enough my friend Jacob whom I must see at some point before the semester ends. But I must admit a small tiny part of me wasn’t as excited it wasn’t him.

Now once realization of this error in life, I was really mad at myself, was I really so weak. I have completely forgotten everything that has happened.  and than once I had finally stopped being myself up I gave myself the chance to explain

See it not that I don’t remember what happened but I would like to pretend it never did, that would be so much simpler. Than nothing would be awkward. So the reason I’m not completely excited it wasn’t him is because it means I really won’t ever get the chance to pretend. Because if he had texted we could have joked, and I would have thoroughly convinced you to be who you used to be.

So upon reaching the conclusion of this inner struggle all the fight left me and I looked at the broken little girl I very rarely actually listen to and speak with. I looked on the small desire of my heart to run , and thanked God for the strength that allows me to not fall into old practices. Suffice to say I am glad that I admitted these things semi out loud.

The reason being bible study is tomorrow night now mind you I do not plan going any other time this semester as I will be ridiculously busy. Now he will be there and initially I did not want to go, mostly cause I hate the way I look and don’t really want anyone I know seeing me period. So after finishing this post I have no hesitations about going tomorrow night. I know I’m of a different mind, I’ve let the Trinity get a stronger grip on my life, so where I walk next God himself will have enter before me, assuring anything that happens will not be more than I can handle giving everything to him. So as the lights dim here at UCF I will still for a while more read a lovely ghost story as the lights grow dim and look forward to the rest of my life.

 

 

***If you are from somewhere that is not Florida, here we grade our schools based on a very diverse criteria Cough FCAT cough one exam Cough…. anyway the rankings are from A-F grading system and money is allotted for performance.

Beach Day One of Many

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 My roommate and I had decided, there have been enough finals and job hours. So hear I am waiting at Rosen at 2:45pm about 2 and 1/2 hrs from our awesome coast destination. I had about 15 minutes to stare out my window and contemplate the universe and all its intricate design. And in fifteen minutes I came up with this amazing epiphany… I don’t know squat! ^_^

This is not a bad thing, this small fact is quite relieving, I don’t  need to have this strict time/dead lines for my life. I just need to live I need to just remember Jesus died for us. Or as a college girl (who passed by the sticker on my car) would say “Why did Justin die for me?” I am a bit of a control freak so not being in charge of my life in its tiniest of details does indeed scare me. However back to beach photos!!!

Now this is the view that makes me want to live on a tiny shack on the coast not worrying about a thing. However life doesn’t pause for sunsets, it just keeps moving towards the next sunrise. We left Rosen and went straight to get chinese food. Sadly I do not have picture of this amazing food as it was too delicious to take a photo of. We got to the beach at 5:30 pm it was chilly but we dove into the water regardless of the wind. This trip was one of those get in the car and drive. The we are young we work hard so who cares. I love trips like this they are the most fun one can have, anything can happen. I was stunned by how many people just stopped to watch the sunset. A warm feeling spread through me that though life can go 100 miles a minute, we as a people still could stop and enjoy collectively the amazing beauty of a sunset. So my gift to use is I will stop typing drivel for a bit and just showing the gorgeous sunset so that wherever you are, you too can stop and stare at the sunset.

Sushi Night and Life

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Blog post

So I have this favorite sushi place it’s AMAZING. The most calming atmosphere lovely service the manager brings you drinks. The whole package really, a quiet respite from regular dining. A place to write and be creative without the sound of hipsters and the smells of coffee; note I don’t have anything against either. Together however these two forces are grating to say the least. On this fair night I finally am getting my sushi fix. I am personally very excited I haven’t had Suki Hanna (name of the lovely establishment in Orlando, Florida), in ages. This is the place I discovered my love for sushi and amazingly girly sake cosmos. So how did I end up here, well I drove silly, but further more why? I could have gone many more weeks/ months/ years/ without tasting the amazing flavors of sushi but something has drawn me back. The need to be alone in my thoughts with jazzy music playing, and writing my thoughts on a page, something again I rarely do.

Well now that I have set the scene of pink glowing room filled with tables and soft music let’s set the characters. We have the manger included with glowing honey blond highlights, the waitress of which I’ve seen two : One young probably related to someone, as well as an order one. The latter of which knows her job to perfection when to stay or go. Finally we come to the amazing sushi chefs, a power packed duo. These magicians take what we see in our local “ethnic aisles” at the grocery store and turn them in to magic. True geniuses of their art form, which is what I assume they do behind the plated glass.

Now the most notable guests are the one’s currently leaving. Though you can’t see them I didn’t want you to think I was typing with them in the same room as myself; that would be plain rude no ;)? So what true me to them is I initially believed it was a middle age couple on a date. You know the type mid to late 40’s night on the day on the middle of a tiring week. Lighting the flame that was youth and passion, blah, blah, romantic blah. Now the main question is what triggered me to think these thoughts. Firstly their age, also the conversation:

Female: I like because of your discernment your ability to not go into things because the crowd follows.

Male: Nods (he could have said something perhaps a mumble, men do have that frustrating tendency)

Female: it’s true; she knows I love you too.

At this point a swirl of thoughts float is to my mind. No doubt triggered my flipping past too many Spanish soap operas. Is there another woman? Is this a makeup dinner? Why is she begging? Is he going to dine and dash? After a sip of calming sake Cosmo I dare to look up, to see what I can only presume is their child or at the very least her child. Which brought another question to mind: Awkwardness level for the kid? But the child seemed unfazed so I hang up with child services and continue to await my delicious sushi…. A few moments later

OMG (G stands for gosh gee wilkers Tommy fell down a well) so delicious and yummy. The only problem with tonight is I wish they would be a bit picker with their clientele. I know viciously mean. But in my perfect sushi roll of a world, guys would have to go eat sushi away from the girls. Unless accompanied by one. I am as you call shy, or maybe just already the GET OFF MY LAWN!!! Old woman, either way I wish this was true.  Since now I am conscious of every bite lip, deep breath, lip lick, and savoring sigh I make. Which I shouldn’t be of course, the likely hood of any part of my body being looking over by skater guys is doubtful. Not that I am ugly see awesome avatar picture. But I am overweight a downer for most guys a win for me. I go through life where girls adore me as a friend and guys make me their buddy. I love COD as well as watching video games, so I get the best of both worlds. Well except for one thing…  okay so I have to randomly change topics guys.

The patrons in front of me are randomly hilarious I mean I trying not to laugh. And before you ask no they have not left the room they’re still seating in front of me, lol wooh at least I lol through some interface I thought I was going to burst. So the reason these particular gentlemen intrigue me (I use the term very loosely) is as a mom and daughter walked out they check them out and began criticizing their bedazzled booties with them in ear shot. After which they ADD to a football replay in the corner. How is this even possible? Guys have to be the most random creature on this earth.  And they think were complex, ha.  Other topic switch the escapades of a tease, apparently a girl was like lets have sex psyche I’m virgin. How come I feel what actually happened is very different oh well.

I am currently twirling my purity ring as though it were a wedding band as a just in case, better safe  than sorry.  So the drama continues apparently it is not in the BROCODE, to ask a bro to sleep with his sister roommate. She is not protected by any distributive property of code. This evening took a very random turn it went from jazz inspired creativity to the horn section eavesdropping. I also am intrigued to finally see a bro date.  To get an accurate perspective of one a girl cannot be invited because as we all know guys at differently with girls around.