That awkward moment everyone else is asleep and I’m here wide awake. I don’t know what my last update was and I don’t feel tye need to reminisce about it. Ever since I stopped counseling I’ve had terrible bouts of insomnia and spacing out. I’m trying to ground myself but it doesn’t seem to be working. I feel like everything is moving forwardn and I’m a hundred steps back. I wish I could catch up but I don’t know where to go. I’m always in conflict wanting two opposites at onc the lack of sleep doesn’t help. 3am staying up makes me sleep in late and I lose another day. Also temptation set in I fight with not watching hentai and yes girls deal with battling sex too we dont have a support group. I can’t walk up to my friends who can’t even talk about sex and ask them tk hold me accountable to not wat hentai. If you don’t know what it is don’t wiki it that was my first step. Anyway off topic that was never there it ls ben rough, my mom’s friend and my old boss died last week @45 left his wife and 3yr old daughter. Which also has me on edge I do not deal with death well I shut down and just look for things I can do to help, but I don’t cry I can’t it drains what little self control i have left. Sorry for the mess I’ll try and be more coherent next time. And so I will leave you with the last words my pseudo uncle left his wife: Di I love you so much and I love our daughter so much but I feel this heavy need to sleep, I’m sorry I love you but I have to sleep I’m so tired….